“When I wake up, I immediately start crying because it hurts,” the star says through tears in her candid new documentary.
Selena Gomez’s battle with lupus worsened to such an extreme in 2020 that she found herself in excruciating pain “everywhere”.
The Same Old Love singer breaks down crying in her new Apple TV+ documentary, My Mind & Me, when she realises her auto-immune disease was flaring for the first time in years.
“I haven’t felt it since I was younger,” Gomez says, despite having gone through a kidney transplant in 2017 courtesy of a donation from her friend Francia Raisa, who doesn’t make an appearance in the documentary, Page Six reports.
“Now it just hurts. Like, in the morning when I wake up, I immediately start crying because it hurts; everything,” the actress says through tears.
“I think [about] my past and my mistakes. That’s what drives me into depression.”
Gomez, 30, receives a call from her doctor, who informs her that the pain is stemming from an overlap of lupus and myositis, which causes painful and weakening muscles. The doctor suggests another dose of an intravenous drug called Rituxan, which would get rid of the star’s joint pain for a “year or so”.
“I just always feel better when I have answers, but the Rituxan was really hard to do last time,” Gomez says. “It’s about four hours, five hours. It’s really hard on your system at first, but it’s OK.”
The star is then shown undergoing the treatment in a medical facility and admits physicians gave her a drug “to relax” because she “can’t stand being still”.
The Rare Beauty founder disclosed in 2014 that she had lupus and was given chemotherapy drugs to treat it.
“That’s what my break was really about,” she told Billboardin 2015 about stepping away from the spotlight for several months. “I could have had a stroke.”
At the time, many speculated she had been in rehab for addiction treatment.
“I wanted to so badly say, ‘You guys have no idea. I’m in chemotherapy. You’re a**holes.’ I locked myself away until I was confident and comfortable again,” the singer said.
Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me is now streaming on Apple TV+.
This story originally appeared on Page Six and is republished here with permission