The mind is a curious thing. Just when you think you’ve got a full scope on things, like your sexuality, life throws a curve ball at you.
And no, before you sit forward in anticipation, this is not an article where I “come out” but there is a new sexuality term that has left me scratching my head and pondering heavily.
You see, just when I had wrapped my head around all the letters in the LGBTQIA+ alphabet (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual – for those of you wondering) another one has been thrown into the mix, and I’ll be honest … it took a little while to sink in, but once it did I had a slightly controversial opinion.
It’s called Abrosexual and it’s fascinating!
According to the googlesphere, it’s defined as: someone who has changes in their sexual orientation over time. For example, a person who is abrosexual might be sexually attracted to men at one point, then sexually attracted to women weeks later. They may also have periods of different intensities of attraction. For example, they might find themselves asexual for a brief moment in time and then go back to enjoying sex. Their sexual preferences come under the ‘fluid’ umbrella of terms.
Now here’s my controversial opinion: Aren’t we all a little abrosexual?
This week, famous DJ Diplo, had a very open and frank chat with Emily Ratajkowski on her podcast High Low with Em Rata where he candidly revealed that he had received oral sex from a dude before but doesn’t consider himself gay. Even going on to state: “Getting a blow job from a guy is not gay!”
The comments section on the gazillion articles that covered this revelation blew up. People were so perplexed by his statement.
But when you read the definition of abrosexual, that kinda sounds like what he was going through. For a little while, he enjoyed the sexual pleasure given to him from a male. Then he went back to enjoy the sexual pleasure of females. Now you’re probably thinking: Wait, doesn’t that make him bisexual? Nope.
Because the difference between bisexual and abrosexual is that people who are bi tend to be more fluid. They can get a crush on either of the sexes at any time, whereas abrosexual comes in phases.
So, one day they may feel straight, and the next they may feel gay. Confusing right?
But isn’t life just confusing in general? This term just further proves that everyone’s sexuality is complex and unique – and life doesn’t always fit into the traditional box we’re told it does.
Now take my life for example, it has certainly sat in the abrosexual side-of-things before. You see, for a brief moment in time I thought I might be bisexual. I was always a little curious, so I did what anyone with a thirst for life does, I felt an itch so I scratched it. I went out and experimented with someone I thought I may have a crush on.
Spoiler alert, once I tried it, I soon realised that women aren’t my sexual preference, but who’s to say that curious feeling won’t come back again later in life?
I even had a brief moment in my early 30s where my libido just packed its bags and choofed off. Upon reflection, I think it may have been because I was working bonkers breakfast radio hours, while still maintaining a social life. That kind of lifestyle left me completely burnt-out and pondering why I had no interest in sex – but technically that sits under the definition of abrosexual.
Now if you take a deep ponder into your own long and interesting life, can you not see moments in time where you were a little sexually perplexed? For all the mockery these sexual terms receive, they do a mighty good job of summing up how many people look at their own sexuality.
As I always say, sexuality is a spectrum not a simple ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ answer. There are those who are firmly sitting on the ‘straight’ side of things, and those who are firmly on the ‘gay’ side of things, and then there are a heck load of people sitting in the grey area in between. I for one am happy that more and more people feel comfortable to talk about it openly and confidently.
So, bravo Diplo, here’s to normalising that grey area. Hopefully it makes less people feel weird about their sexual preferences and realise that they are actually very normal!
Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking
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